


Savior

by MsPerception427



Series: Savior 'verse [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Clint Feels, Clint Needs a Hug, Damaged Superheros, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hulk loves Cupid, Hurt Clint Barton, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, PILLOW PETS, Post-Avengers (2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 20:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5979964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsPerception427/pseuds/MsPerception427
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Less than a month ago, the Avengers saved the world from a hostile alien invasion (aka Loki's temper tantrum). And now they face an even bigger challenge in getting their archer to realize that he is a life worth saving before they lose him for good. Or the story of how the Avengers became more than just a dysfunctional ticking time bomb and became a family. Or the four times the team tried to save Clint and the one time they did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Save Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is just my story Savior from FF.net. I'm trying to post over here as well. So expect to see some stuff slowly migrating over here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wasn't the most socially versed man in the world but even he knew something was a little off with their resident archer. Too bad he had not one damn idea of what to do about that.

Until you crash  
Until you burn  
Until you lie  
Until you learn  
Until you see  
Until you believe  
Until you fight  
Until you fall  
Until the end of everything at all  
Until you die  
Until you're alive 

Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care  
Don't save me, don't save me, cuz  
I don't care 

_-Savior, 30 Seconds to Mars_

It was nearly four in the morning when Tony Stark managed to stumble bleary eyed yet fulfilled out his lab. With a self-satisfied smirk, he noticed that he was the last one out. Bruce gave up hours ago murmuring something about food, sleep and basic human needs and functions. Personally, Tony was of the belief that Bruce was getting soft. A couple of weeks out of the slums and he was getting used to things like running water, beds and hot food. He was spoiled. But eh, honestly if anyone deserved to be a little spoiled after being on the run for the past few years, it was Bruce. Even if it did cut in on their science time. Tony yawned as he followed the lingering scent of Indian takeout to the kitchen. He continued his slow zombie like shuffle down the hall before coming to an abrupt halt at the sight of something that didn't belong. Or rather it belonged, just not where it currently was despite all of Tony's best efforts to curb this nasty nocturnal habit.

"We really need to stop meeting like this. You do know you have a room, Barton," he called out before approaching the archer seated on the window seat overlooking the city. The agent's back was facing Tony and it appeared that all of his attention was focused on the view from the window. But Tony knew better than to assume he was totally unaware of his surroundings. Still, Tony wasn't taking any chances trying to sneak up on the man. The tower was dark but there was enough light from the buildings outside to see the curve of Clint's bow near his clenched fists. It would not do well to sneak up on the guy. He knew for a fact how fast he was to draw and just how deadly his aim was. No, sneaking up on Clint was not a good idea.

"I'm aware," Clint murmured in response. He didn't turn away from the window to look at Tony, nor did he bother to meet his gaze through the window's reflection. "I'm good here."

"Of course you are," Tony drawled. He wasn't surprised. He had received some variation on that answer since the minute the man moved into the Tower.

Tony crossed his arms over his chest, lost in thought. Of all the Avengers, Clint was the one that confused him the most. That was saying something, given that he now worked and lived with a socially and culturally challenged time displaced super soldier, an Earth impaired god, an assassin who probably had more weapons on her person than Tony had witty comebacks and a reclusive scientist who was redefining the term 'anger issues'. Still of all of them, it was Clint that he just couldn't get a handle on.

He'd come across him in his past dealings with SHIELD and the man he met then was nothing like this man now. When Tony briefly encountered the infamous Hawk it was while Coulson was forcing him to apologize to a few of the junior agents that he was apparently terrorizing with his bow. The apology consisted of little more than taunts coupled with a smirk that wouldn't stop. However, it was apparently more than Coulson expected so the issue was apparently considered to be settled. Tony remembered being both impressed and amused that someone working under Fury had a functional personality and a sense of humor. He liked him from that very moment. He was looking forward to getting to know that agent. But instead they had this quiet, pale imitation of him. And while Tony liked Clint, he just wished that they could crack this surface and get through to the man he used to be.

"You need something more for your room?" Tony asked, grasping at anything to keep the archer engaged in the conversation, to shake him out of this blank state he seemed to exist in lately. Clint turned his head slowly towards his teammate with a raised eyebrow. "I mean Bruce asked for a laptop and a bathroom with indoor plumbing. Thor got a bunch of those pillow pets he saw on some stupid infomercial one night. Steve's room looks like an art supply store exploded. Natasha won't let me in her room but I'm pretty sure it's pimped out. So tell your Uncle Tony what you need? A dart board with Loki's face on it? A Blu-ray player with the complete Lord of the Rings extended editions collection? The Hunger Games trilogy for your iPad? An iPad?"

He was well aware he was babbling but it was his coping mechanism, especially when faced with the unnerving silence that was Clint Barton. The agent stared at him for a few more tense moments before shifting his attention back to the busy streets below them.

"It's late. You should probably get some sleep. Ms. Potts said you had a meeting in the morning. She'll be back early."

"We both should, you know… get some sleep," Tony pointed out. "In bed. Well preferably our own separate beds but you know if it helps you can…."

"I'm fine," Clint insisted, and if Tony listened carefully he could hear just how very fine he was not. The tone was too brittle, his shoulders too tense. Tony could hear him practically screaming that he was not ok but he had no idea what to do about that.

This wasn't his area of expertise. He could build Clint a bow that would put his current one to shame. He could build any number of gadgets and gizmos that could make the archer more comfortable in the Tower but what he couldn't do is fix whatever was going on in Clint's head. He didn't know how to talk to him, or rather how to get Clint to talk to them. He knew Natasha was having similar problems. If the Black Widow, his damn partner, couldn't get him to talk, then Tony knew it was next to hopeless…. But he couldn't help but try.

"Uh, Barton, you know that if you ever wanted to, uh, talk," he started, rubbing the back of his neck, nervously. "We're all here."

Clint glanced over his shoulder with a carefully blank expression. "There's nothing to talk about. Night, Stark."

With that, the conversation was effectively over. Tony stood in his spot for a few more minutes before shuffling towards the kitchen once more. He found a plate set aside in the one place Thor wouldn't bother to look, the microwave. They were making slow but sure progress with integrating the god into their world but kitchen appliances were still a mystery to him. It worked to their advantage as Thor had an appetite the size of his hammer. He tended to eat anything that wasn't nailed down… or hidden in a microwave. Tony made a mental note to thank Bruce for hiding his food.

Though they called his favorite place, Tony barely tasted the food. His mind was stuck on the archer in the window. He knew that if he went into the room that was designated as Clint's, he wouldn't find anything in there that would say it was Clint Barton's room. He would most likely find the agent's few belongings still packed up in the bag he used to bring them here. Clint wasn't settled. He wasn't comfortable. And Tony had no damn idea what to do with that. What was the use of being a genius if you couldn't use your genius to help your friends? On that note, did Clint even consider them friends? Great, yet another thought to join the other troubling ones running around in his head.

He finished his meal, which could've been cardboard for all he tasted of it, and placed the dirty plates in the dishwasher, steeling himself for the walk back to his room. He knew he would have to pass Clint again. He knew that he would try to get him to go to his room again. He knew he would fail. But he was going to keep trying. That's what friends, or a dysfunctional group of superhero freaks with severe psychosocial issues and poor interpersonal skills that were forced into a domestic situation, were for.


	2. Standing Alone With No Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thor is adorable and figures out some things.

_When did I lose my sense of purpose?_

_Can I regain what's lost inside?_

_Why do I feel like I deserve this?_

_Why does my pain look like my pride?_

_-No Roads Left, Linkin Park_

 

Midgardians were amusing. Or it was more precise to say that they had amusing habits and things. Thor was the most impressed by the soft pillows in the shape of animals. He saw them one evening shortly after returning from Asgard on the magic box that Stark called a television and was immediately in love with them. Tony also seemed to impressed as he ordered several of them for the thunder god the next morning. Like a true future leader, he tried to share his treasure with his comrades. Natasha also seemed pleased though she turned it down. He swore he saw tears of happiness welling in her eyes as she tried to hide a smile. Steve seemed confused by his offering but smiled and patted him on the arm before muttering about the people of today and too much free time and retreating to his room. Bruce and Tony had the oddest reaction of the bunch. They initially seemed to be laughing at him but after Thor expressed his confusion, and not a little hurt, with their reaction, they babbled apologies. He found the Playful Penguin pillow he was missing from his collection sitting on his bed later that afternoon. All was forgiven.

Though he delighted in offering his teammates the plushy pillows that surely were made by the gods, he knew he was hesitating to approach one in particular. He really knew nothing about the agent known as Hawkeye but he was worried about approaching him. If only because of all of the team, it was their archer that suffered the most at Loki's hands. He felt guilty enough for the role he blindly played in Loki's slow corruption. But knowing what his once beloved brother did to a person he considered to be a brother in arms, was almost too much for the thunder god. But he was Thor Odinson. He was destined to be King of Asgard one day. He knew he couldn't continue to avoid Clint. So with a few of the pet shaped pillows (so he had a choice) clutched tightly in his arms, Thor went in search of the SHIELD agent.

After a rather lengthy search (with a few pillow pets lost along the way) that was aided by the non-corporeal demonic, yet strangely helpful, entity that Tony referred to as JARVIS, Thor found his friend sitting on the railing on one of the many terraces. His legs were dangling over the side of the building almost carelessly as if he were unaware of the very significant distance between him and the ground.

"Agent Barton?" he asked, careful to use the inside voice that he practiced with Bruce and Steve the previous day. He didn't want to startle Clint. He was trying to forge a friendship with the man, not send him hurtling to his death. Despite his codename, Thor severely doubted that Clint could fly and he did not want to tempt fate (or Natasha's wrath… or Bruce and Tony's for that matter) to find out. Fortunately, his fears were unfounded. The archer's head tilted in silent acknowledgment of his presence.

"I wish to speak with you."

Clint slumped forward slightly (not doing wonders for Thor's heart) before pushing himself up on the rail. He gracefully swung his legs up and over so that he was landing beside Thor. "How can I be of service?"

Now that he was face to face with him, Thor found it harder to speak than he previously thought but it had nothing to do with the lingering traces of guilt. Although this was the closest he'd been to the other man, he was surprised to see that the few weeks downtime they had after Loki's attack on Manhattan in the effort of "building a healthier team" were not as good to Clint as it was for the others. The archer looked pale. His eyes were almost bruised by exhaustion. Deep purple marks stood out clearly on the pale flesh of his face. Thor couldn't recall when the archer looked this ill. Even when he was being controlled by Loik's scepter he hadn't appeared this run down. In the back of Thor's mind he recalled Tony and Natasha discussing Clint's sleeping habits but he pushed the conversation away at the time. Now he wished he paid more attention. Because clearly there was something to be concerned about here.

"Are you well, my friend?"

Clint arched an eyebrow, shrugging lightly. "I'm fine, big guy. Was that what you wanted to talk about?"

"No," Thor replied, feeling oddly unnerved by the archer. He didn't feel threatened… just concerned and slightly on edge. There was something off about the shorter man. But Thor pushed those concerns to the side to continue what he set out to do. "I wished to apologize to you."

The left eyebrow joined its friend as Clint stared in surprise. "Why are you apologizing to me?"

The god shifted on his feet nervously. "I was remiss in my duties as an older brother to Loki. I failed to see that he was suffering. Because of that he took his pain and anger out on the people of the world I hold dear. Most importantly, he used you to carry out of these malicious deeds. For that, I am truly sorry. I ask that you accept a pillowed pet as a token of my esteem."

Clint continued to stare at him. After a few moments of awkward silence, and more than a few rapid eye blinks, he finally appeared to regain his ability to speak. "Uh, thanks, I guess? But it's cool. You have nothing to apologize for, Thor. Only Loki is responsible for what Loki did. He tried to subjugate an entire race. That's more than just a temper tantrum and you have nothing to feel guilty about."

Though it would take more than just the words of his teammate to heal the wounds Loki left behind, Thor felt somewhat lighter hearing that Agent Barton didn't blame him or hold Loki against him. It helped to lessen the burden of guilt that was weighing him down since his decision to return to Earth.

"My friend," Thor beamed, his good humor returning once more. "This calls for a celebration! Let us drink to the bonds of friendship and brotherhood forged through battle!"

Clint gave a ghost of a smile before shaking his head. "I'm going to pass, big guy. Have fun though. Make sure Stark doesn't hide the good stuff at the back of his liquor cabinet. Again."

"You will not join us?"

"Trust me, you don't want me there. 'm really not a good person to have around," Clint mumbled, almost as if he were talking to himself. He shook his head and smiled again in Thor's direction. But the god could see the strain around it now. "Have a good time with the others."

Thor didn't move though. He came to realization that he almost made the same mistake again. He was ignoring what was in front of him. The overheard conversation about Clint's sleeping habits came back to him as he studied the agent. He was thinner as well. He no longer looked healthy. He wondered if Loki looked this obvious before the madness settled in or if he was just getting better at recognizing when the people he cared about were falling apart. And that was a revelation all of its own. He truly did care about Clint Barton. He cared enough that the other man's struggling was hurting him.

"Why do you not feel that you are a good person to have around? You are a good man and an excellent warrior."

Clint's expression darkened further. "Yeah, I know just how good a warrior I am. That's part of the reason you definitely don't want me as a friend, Thor. I'm not a good friend. Just ask Phil."

"The Son of Coul?" Thor repeated. "Agent Barton, you know that you are not responsible for the attack on the Son of Coul. That was Loki and Loki alone."

"But it was my arrow that let him escape," Clint hissed. He growled, wiping a hand over his face roughly. He let out a deep breath. "I shot the arrow at the helicarrier. I caused the distraction that let Loki get free. He stabbed Phil…. he almost killed him and it was my fault."

"Agent…."

"Forget it," Clint ordered harshly, shaking his head again. He started to walk away when their communicators went off simultaneously. Clint pushed the button for his, moving closer to Thor so that he could hear as well. "Barton."

"You seen Thor?" Tony's voice sounded as clear as it would if he were standing beside them. Thor resisted the urge to poke the tiny device hidden in Clint's ear. He trusted both Stark and Dr. Banner. They assured him that they were in fact not trapped electronic device. Tony went on further to point out that if they were in fact trapped they would be significantly less calm about it. Thor admitted that they had a point.

"You called me to ask where Thor is?" Clint asked, not sounding the least bit annoyed.

"Well no," Tony drawled and Thor could almost hear the grin on his face. He saw it a moment later as Tony in his full Ironman suit appeared on the balcony. He hovered behind the railing, smirking at his teammates from behind the open visor. "I was calling to see you if you needed any time to suit up. Agent Nanny called. We got work to do."

Clint shrugged off his long sleeved t-shirt revealing the top portion of his uniform. He was already wearing the black pants that completed the ensemble. He smiled slightly at Tony. "You do know that Phil is going to kick your ass with something stupid like a bag of flour or a pack of donuts if he finds out that it was you that ran your big mouth about him watching Super Nanny around the office."

Tony cocked his head to the side. "So the flour thing actually did happen? Huh. Oh, wait! Are you implying that you're going to snitch on me? You know what historically happens to snitches, correct?"

Clint snorted. "I'm implying nothing. We're on an open comm line, genius. He can probably hear you already."

"Coulson listens to our missions? Since freaking when? Isn't he confined to a bed or something?"

"Since I was medically cleared by SHIELD to do so. I can easily listen to your babble from my bed, Mr. Stark."

Tony yelped, immediately ordering JARVIS to cut off all communications. Thor stifled a laugh even as he tracked Clint's movements across the balcony. He was currently hunched over checking his quiver, which was fully stocked. As it was the window closest to the nest he claimed for himself, it seemed that he had all the necessities for the mission right at hand. He knew that a true warrior was always ready to go at a minute's notice, but he was almost disturbed by how ready Clint was. Did the man ever rest?

"Where exactly are we going since you've cut communications with our handler?"

Tony snorted. "It's Coulson. He'll find a way to get it back online before too long. And to answer your question, we're going downtown. Where else do the psychotic, alien or otherwise megalomaniacal attack? We're traveling local so pick: big and blond, big and red or mean and green."

"Pretty sure the suit doesn't count in the height department. And I would think that the big, green rage monster would count as big," Clint countered, rising from his crouched position. It was only because Thor was watching him so closely that he saw the little bit of color drain out of the man's already too pale face before he swayed dangerously. Thor and Tony both reached out steadying hands in case he fully collapsed. They stayed like that for several long moments.

"What the hell was that?" Tony asked. His grip tightening on Clint's shoulder.

"I," Clint rasped, blinking rapidly. He swallowed, looking faintly green. Thor was certain that they would mention if Clint was also in danger of changing forms. But the green didn't seem to mean the same thing as Tony just grumbled under his breath about Clint not throwing up on his terrace. Clint straightened up somewhat and nodded. "I think got up too fast. I'm ok."

"No, you're not," Tony aruged. "When was the last time you slept? No, scratch that. When was the last time you actually slept for more than a half an hour or ate something more than just a piece of toast or some frruit?" Clint opened his mouth. "And before you say anything, I'm very aware of the complete irony and hypocrisy of me asking you those questions, so save it. It takes a person who regularly pushes themselves beyond their limit to recognize it in another person." Tony sighed, shaking his head. "But I also know it's a waste of time asking you about it and hoping you see reason. So just answer me this one question: can you do this?"

"Yes."

Tony sighed. "Clint, this isn't an ego thing. If you need to stay behind, Thor and I can cover for you."

Clint yanked his arm out of Tony's loose hold, glaring at the billionaire. "I'm a SHIELD agent. I've gone longer than a few days without sleep or food. I'm fine." He glanced down at something moving on the terrace below them. He glanced back at the pair still watching him with worried eyes and gave a ghost of a smirk. "Now if you'll excuse me, my ride is here."

Before either Tony or Thor could react, he was launching himself over the railing. Hulk let out a loud roar as the archer landed on his shoulder and took a running leap off the tenth floor terrace of the Avenger Tower. Clint's loud whoop echoed in their wake.

"Uh, you guys moving anytime soon?" Steve's voice sounded over the communicator. Looks like Coulson figured out how to get communications back online sooner than they thought. "I don't really think it's a good idea to allow Clint and Hulk to play unsupervised."

"It's a wonderfully bad idea actually," Natasha pointed out. "Move it, Stark. You're my ride."

Tony's visor snapped shut hiding his worried expression from Thor. But the god didn't need to see it because he knew it was matched on his own face. This was not going to end well.


	3. Remember All the Sadness and Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steve gets a clue and makes a choice.

_You were standing in the wake of devastation_  
And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown  
And with the cataclysm raining down  
Insides crying "Save me now"  
You were there, impossibly alone 

_Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?_  
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known  
Remember all the sadness and frustration  
And let it go. Let it go 

_-Iridescent, Linkin Park_  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
He was used to plans not running exactly how he expected with the Avengers, but this was slowly unraveling in ways that he never could've predicted. He thought that things between the team were going fairly well. He tried to limit his interactions with Tony in order to prevent any further arguments between them. The others seemed to be more or less adjusting to living in the former Stark Tower. They were getting better at working together in the field. He thought things were better. But apparently he thought wrong because they were currently acting worse than the first time they fought together.

There was some strange tension between Thor, Clint and Tony that neither of the trio would comment on. Steve wished they'd just get it over with because it was clearly affecting them. Even the Hulk was feeling the tension. Despite the fact that Clint was up away from the danger, the Hulk hovered around the building, refusing to let Clint too far out of his eyesight. Anytime Thor or Tony got too close (which was often), the green giant would kindly take time away from smashing the enemy of the day into the pavement to growl at his two teammates until they went away.

"Look on the bright side, Captain," Natasha commented, while gracefully pulling a man twice her size into a choke-hold. "We've managed to reduce the amount of damage done to property by keeping the big guy in a single area."

Steve blinked for several reasons really. One, he wasn't quite sure how she knew what he was thinking but he was definitely going to pay more attention to Tony's theory that Natasha was actually an android. As soon as he found out what an android was exactly. The second reason was that she actually believed there was anything bright about this situation. It was a miracle that they weren't dead at the rate they were going. They were fighting sloppy and uncoordinated…. Distracted.

"Heads up, Legolas, I've got eyes on the device," Tony reported, hovering a short distance from them. There was a noticeable pause and when he spoke again there was an uncharacteristic hesitance in his voice. "You think you can make the shot?"

"You know I can make the shot, Iron Ass."

"Then get to it, Cupid."

"Only Hulk gets to call me that!" a loud bellow from their friend echoed that sentiment.

"Guys, not now!" Steve ordered. "Hawkeye, take the shot." He glanced up at the roof where Clint was standing. He could faintly make out Clint's distinctive figure as he aimed with his bow. According to the mission briefing, a group of eco-terrorists were planning on detonating a bomb that contained an active strain of the deadliest virus in history: the Spanish flu. Their mission was to detain the terrorists as well as deactivate their device with one of the special SHIELD developed arrows. At first, Steve wondered why Coulson bothered to send more than one. This was Clint. He never missed… except today. Today, apparently, he missed.

"Shit!"

"Holy… did that actually just happen? Friggin Hawkeye missed!"

"Clint?" Natasha snapped, but even Steve could hear the underlying concern there. "What's wrong?"

"Its fine, Tasha," Clint assured her, though there was a tremor in his voice. "I just… miscalculated."

Natasha's frown grew deeper but she remained silent, watching along with the others as he notched another arrow, taking aim once again. This time the arrow flew true. The device glowed bright blue signaling the deactivation. That of course being the complete opposite of what the terrorists were aiming for, which in turn put them on the offense. Steve ducked as more shots started firing in their location.

"Great. Why can't these guys just be normal hippies and chain themselves to buildings?" Tony complained as he dodged several beams in his direction. "Who the hell taught them how to make plasma cannons?"

"The same people that taught them to make biological weapons?" Natasha suggested, leaning against a car for cover. But then the shots stopped firing in their direction. A sick feeling settled in his stomach as Steve realized why. With Tony and Thor away from the building due to the heavy fire around them and Steve and Natasha hiding for cover, Clint was defenseless and the sole target for their wrath.

"Barton!"

Steve felt Natasha react more than he saw any visual changes. Her body was tense but her face remained blank as they turned towards their teammate on the other building. Steve could make out both Thor and Iron Man as they flew back towards the roof. That was all he could see from the heavy amount of fire attacking the rooftop.

"Hawkeye, report," Steve barked. Thor was using his hammer to knock beams back at his attackers. Tony was firing on the almost never ending supply of manufactured weapons of mass destruction. Natasha was still beside him, tension radiating from her body as she stared up at the roof where Clint was not responding. And the Hulk was…

"Hulk smash puny scientist!"

… Hulk was smashing. Good. Since he didn't have a comm of his own, Steve could only assume he was near Clint once again. He looked up at the roof to see their large teammate. The Hulk hunched over something on the ground before letting out a loud roar, whirling around to face the idiots that were still stupidly firing on the green giant.

"That doesn't sound good," Steve murmured.

"Oh, you think?" Tony retorted, but with little of the usual heat. They all watched as Hulk spread his arms wide. Tony gasped quietly. "Yeah, I know where this is going. Thor, good buddy, we need to make an exit stage down."

"But the Hawk…."

"Is in far safer hands than us right now."

Tony didn't bother to continue trying to prove why they needed to move. Instead he powered his thrusters to their maximum and plowed straight into the thunder god, sending them both crashing into an office building. It was just in time to miss the sonic boom emitted when Hulk brought his massive hands together. The resulting wave was enough to knock out the weapon firing hippies (whatever those were) as well as their own comm. system. But Steve could make out Tony and Thor climbing out the wreckage of the building before flying towards their original destination.

Steve and Natasha rushed over to the fallen men. They didn't look like they would be moving anytime soon. Excellent. He put in a brief call to SHIELD and then set about locating his teammates. Between the lack of functioning comm system and their lack of knowledge of Clint's wellbeing, Natasha was becoming increasingly more anxious. He could barely keep up with her as they raced up the twenty flights to the roof.

"Clint!" Natasha yelled as soon as they burst through the rooftop doors. Her too calm façade dropping as her eyes darted around, desperately searching for her missing partner. They found on him sitting in the middle of the strange yet most likely under different circumstances, highly amusing, showdown. Tony and Thor were apparently trying to check on the hunched over Clint but Hulk wouldn't let either of them near him. All arguments ended as soon as they noticed the two newly arrived Avengers. They hovered uncertainly on the fringe of the strange scene. Well Steve hovered uncertainly, Natasha looked ready to join the lingering weirdness between them as soon as she saw an opening.

"Hawkeye, what happened?"

The archer blinked, slowly struggling into a standing position. He staggered briefly once he made it to his feet but managed to stay upright by mostly leaning on a very compliant Hulk. Steve always wondered what it was about Clint and Tony that caused the Hulk to trust them. If anything Steve would've thought that they would be the ones to antagonize him the most (and they were) but the Hulk seemed almost… protective.

"I'm okay, Tash. Just got knocked around a little bit."

Tony scoffed. "Really? Is that the new term for passing out before an entire chunk of a neighboring building falls on you?"

"You what?" Natasha snarled, stalking over to Clint. The Hulk had no qualms with this as he allowed the flame haired assassin to invade Clint's personal space with barely blinking an eye. She placed her hands on his face, gently turning his head. Steve winced at the bruises he could already see forming on the archer's oddly paler than normal skin. Natasha tutted under her breath before murmuring in what Tony would later confirm to be Russian. "What have you done to yourself now, stupid?"

"Nothing to worry about," Clint replied in the same language.

"I will always worry."

Clint gave her a grim smile before patting Hulk on the arm. It took a moment to get his attention as he was still glaring at the still awkward looking Thor and Tony. "Stand down, Jade Jaws. They're not going to hurt me. They're cool. They're your friends, remember?"

"Cupid, okay?"

"Cupid is okay."

"Good," Hulk rumbled. "Cupid needs to stop worrying Hulk."

Clint blinked. "Uh, sorry?" he looked at Natasha, who shrugged. Neither SHIELD agent knew how to react when Hulk scooped them both into his arms and took a leap off the building. Tony groaned, switching the faceplate back into place.

"Hey! You know he has a concussion, you big green lunk. You can't just haul him around like that!" he yelled, following after the fast moving Hulk. "If he pukes, you better make sure it's outside the Tower!"  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

An hour later, Steve and Thor were finally able to return to the Tower after successfully relinquishing control of the scene and cleanup to SHIELD. They found their teammates clustered together in the third floor common area, closest to the bedrooms. Clint's shirt was off and Bruce was examining the badly bruised torso. Natasha was already out of her uniform and perched on a coffee table watching. Tony was out of his suit, holding a drink he was barely paying any attention as he was too busy studying Bruce's ministrations with a calculating gleam in his eye.

"This would be significantly less creepy without you staring, Stark," Clint commented, wincing as Bruce brushed against a particularly nasty looking dark purple mark on his back.

"So no comment on Natasha watching, huh? I see how it is."

"Nothing she hasn't seen before."

"Yet I'm always forced to," Natasha added, an almost mournful tone to her voice that Steve never heard before. She cleared her throat when she saw Clint looking in her direction. "So what's the verdict, Bruce?"

"He'll live. Just heavy bruising and a minor concussion but nothing out of the ordinary for one of SHIELD's finest. But the real problem is that you're not eating, Clint," Bruce answered, running his hand down a surprisingly thin side. He looked up at the agent, who was staring at his feet like there was something particularly interesting there. "It's not healthy and you know it."

"You're not eating?" Steve asked, stepping into the room. Clint cursed under his breath, reaching for the t-shirt beside him. He struggled with the shirt until Tony took pity on him and helped him ease into the shirt.

"Look, it's not a big deal. I'll eat a sandwich later. Okay?"

"No, it's not okay," Steven countered. "Is that the reason why you missed this afternoon?"

Clint looked down at his hands. His hands which Steve could see were trembling slightly. Bruce sighed. "Yes, the lack of consistent sleep and little to no food could have dangerous detriments on his health and affect his ability to aim." The look Clint gave him was one of betrayal. Bruce sighed again. "Clint, you were the one that asked me to be in charge of you medically and I agreed only because I know your deal with doctors. But since I'm your doctor, I sometimes have to step outside of being your friend. Especially when you're putting yourself in danger."

"Wait, you're Barton's doctor? How the hell does he get to swing that one and I don't? I thought we were science bros!"

"Not the important part of the story, Stark," Steve reprimanded gently. He focused on the miserable looking archer. "Clint, you need to take care of yourself. By missing meals, you're not only putting yourself at risk but us as well. We were lucky that you were able to regroup so quickly. And this time it was a stationary target. What if you miss hitting someone that was sneaking up on one of us to try and take us out? You need to get your head back in the game or else. You're a liability right now."

While he kept his eyes trained on Clint, he wasn't oblivious to the others staring at him with an odd look in their eyes. Finally, Clint spoke. His voice was barely a whisper but it echoed louder than Thor's in the heavy tension filled silence that had fallen over the six teammates. "You're right. I am a liability. I'm putting you all… in danger. I shouldn't be here... not safe…." he trailed off, looking anywhere around the room but at his very alarmed team. "I'm sorry but I should go." He shrugged off Bruce's hands and walked out the room.

He wasn't gone for even a minute before Natasha punched Steve in the face and stormed out after him. The team leader's jaw dropped even as he watched her go. He rubbed his stinging jaw. Natasha could pack a punch and he was pretty sure that she used the Widow's Bite on him.

"What did I do?"

"What didn't you do, Captain Asshat?" Tony retorted.

"I was… just... I was trying to help!" Steve argued confused as to why he was getting dirty looks from all of them (even Thor!). "Why am I the bad guy here? Hawkeye is the one that messed up on the mission. It's my job as team leader to make sure something like this never happens again."

"It will never happen again. It only happened because it's beyond obvious to anyone with eyes that Hawkeye is not okay. He thinks he has to prove something to all of us and he's slowly breaking down every day. And you, Mr. Team Leader, just pushed every single self deprecating button that he has. So congratulations for that. Well done, Captain!" Tony finished by crossing his arms over his chest. The concern that was written all over the billionaire's face was disconcerting because Steve wasn't used to seeing Tony care… he honestly didn't think Tony cared about anything that wasn't money or himself.

"Why is Clint not okay? He said he was fine."

"Oh, and every time you've ever said that you were fine, you were telling the absolute truth, right? Really? Not that much has changed in seventy years."

"But… what's wrong with him?"

Bruce raked a hand through his hair, obviously tired of the arguing. "Well, ignoring his completely screwed up childhood, he was recently mind raped into killing several of his coworkers, some of which he considered to be friends, and helping a god try to take over the world and murder some more people. That does tend to leave some lingering issues."

"But he wasn't responsible for that," Steve said, shaking his head. "He has to know that."

"It's one thing to know that you weren't responsible, and it's another to believe it," Bruce replied, in a low voice. "Right now, all he knows is that people are dead because of his arrows. A very good friend almost died because of his actions, whether they were his conscious actions doesn't really matter. He hurt people he cared about. That's all that matters to him right now. He's questioning himself. He's questioning why SHIELD hasn't fired him despite the fact that they all look at him like he's about to blank out any minute. They don't trust him anymore. And now he's starting to not to trust himself either."

"Loki has ruined everything," Thor whispered to himself. Steve wanted to offer him some sort of comfort but he was still struggling with understanding just how he could do that.

"I think that's the reason he moved into the Tower. He's away from their judgment but it's not enough. Those thoughts are still in his head. I think those of us that have noticed have tried to keep him from falling apart but really all we're doing is slapping a Hello Kitty Band-Aid on a gaping, still bleeding flesh wound."

"Nice imagery there, Bruce," Tony winced. "So now that we've filled Captain Amazing in on what was obvious to even the alien god, what are we supposed to do about it? If we don't get through to him, soon, we're going to lose him."

Steve still felt confused. And Tony was right. He was confused and Tony was right and this world did not any make sense.

"How did I miss this? More importantly, how did Tony not miss this?"

"That's easy, it's because Tony and Clint are pretty similar," Bruce replied, cutting off Tony's no doubt colorful response. "Think of an onion. There is a thin skin surrounding the onion. You peel it back and reveal a layer of the onion. But it's just a layer. There are so many more layers underneath that skin. Clint and Tony are both like onions. Peel away one layer and there are so many more to go."

"Does anyone else really want onion rings right now?"

"And as to how you missed it," Bruce continued, ignoring Tony's interjection. "It's because you hide away all day in your room. I know that this world is strange and weird, but trust me, it's not so bad when you're surrounded by a group of people that are just as lost."

"In case you're missing the clue by four here, that would be the rest of this ragtag group of heroes. Doesn't get more lost than us," Tony quipped. Even Thor nodded.

Steve let out a deep breath. They were right. They were absolutely right. He was hiding in his memories of a time that was long gone, clinging desperately to the friends he made then. But he had a new group of friends, really a family, and they needed him as much as he needed them. He thought back on his words to Clint and winced. Now that he was really paying attention, he could remember the instances in the past month that he'd noticed something wasn't quite right with the archer but let it go. He wasn't letting it go anymore.

"Tony is right," Steve said, finally. "Now that we know what the problem is, what do we do about it?"

Bruce shrugged. "I don't know what you're going to do but I'm sure you'll come up with something. I'm going to talk to our assassins. Alone, Tony." Tony grumbled, making some comment under his breath using language that Steve was too lost in thought to even begin to be offended by. "I'm sure that between the three of you, you can come up with something to help."

He stayed rooted to the spot long after Bruce was gone. He really screwed this up. He was supposed to be the leader and yet he didn't notice that his one of his team was slowly falling apart at the seams. He didn't notice that he wasn't even connected with them. He didn't notice the rapidly tightening bonds forming between all of them but him. He didn't notice that they really didn't trust him outside a mission. He… just got smacked in the face by a unicorn. His brow furrowed as he glanced first at the pillow pet resting by his feet and then up to the gleefully amused Tony.

"I don't believe that was the intended use of the pillowed pets, Friend Stark," Thor said, picking up the fallen pet and cradling it to his chest as if keeping it away from Tony.

"Thor, buddy, I've told you a thousand times, it's just Tony. Tony!" the billionaire explained, rolling his eyes in fond exasperation. "Also, haven't you ever heard of a pillow fight?"

Thor's expression turned thoughtful. "I do not believe I have heard of this. Tell me more about these… pillow fights."

Tony threw an excited look at Steve, who was just grateful that he appeared to be forgiven by at least Tony and Thor. He sat down listening in amusement as Tony explained the noble art of the pillow battle to their resident god, promising Thor an opportunity to demonstrate his new knowledge once Clint was feeling better and they could insure that Bruce wouldn't Hulk out and kill the hell out of all of them. Tony spoke as if things were better. As if everything was operating normally and it was clear that things were anything but okay at the moment.

"How do I get Clint through this?" Steve asked, aloud.

"You don't," Tony shrugged. He rolled his eyes at Steve's confused look. "Look, for whatever reason we were brought together, the point of it all is that we're a team. More than that, we're a damn dysfunctional family. We're going to get him through this. He's got us. He doesn't need anything more than that. Trust me! Clint is going to be fine."

"How do you know?"

Tony's lips curved into a wistful smile. It was a shadow of his usual million watt smile but it felt more genuine than anything Steve had ever seen on the man before. "Clint will get through this because I'm not half the man he is and I'm still here." He shook his head, as if chasing away dark memories but the smile remained. "Besides the Hulk has practically adopted him and Natasha probably has her name stamped on his ass. He's not allowed to be anything other than ok just because they won't let him."

Steve found himself smiling in response. "How do you do that? Manage to smile at everything? Even when it's all going to hell."

"Takes practice," Tony grinned. "But all jokes aside, is anyone else up for a trip to the closest greasy joint to buy some onion rings?"

"I will partake in this journey for the ring of onions," Thor volunteered.

Steve's smile grew. Tony was infectious, he had to give him that much. And he was right. The team was going to get Clint through this. They would all help him to realize that he could trust himself. And maybe, just maybe, they could work the biggest miracle of all and help Steve realize that the past was gone and it was time to start living in the now.

"Hey, Tony," Steve called to his two friends that were discussing their plan of attack (they really needed to help Thor think outside of military strategies). Tony raised an eyebrow at the usage of his first name from Steve. "Got room for one more in this trip?"

Tony gave him an odd look before another genuine smile formed on his lips. "Always, Steve."

He didn't know he was carrying the weight around until he felt it lift at that moment. No, he didn't like that he was stolen away from Peggy, Howard and the others before he could really explore what could've been. But he didn't think he was wrong in believing there was a reason for everything. He was meant to be here, now, with this team. He would learn to adjust to the 21st century because he had his family to help him. They would help Clint to get through the guilt and issues from his past that were haunting him. They would do it because they were more than a team. They were a family.


	4. Wake Me Up Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha gets her chance to get through to Clint and realizes how far gone he is.

_Now that I know what I'm without_

_You can't just leave me_

_Breathe into me and make me real_

_Bring me to life_

_Wake me up inside_

_Wake me up inside_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

_Bid my blood to run_

_Before I come undone_

_Save me from the nothing I've become_

_-Bring Me to Life, Evanescence_  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Love was for children. She wasn't lying when she said it to Loki. She meant it from the bottom of her heart. Love was an emotion that was meant to be eternal but it was fleeting at best. It was meant to be a positive emotion but how many atrocities were committed in the name of love? How many relationships ended in bitterness and pain because of love? Love wasn't an emotion that she held much faith in. What Natasha Romanoff felt for Clint Barton was very far from childish and so much more than love. He was ordered to take her out, put an arrow through her heart but instead he held out a hand to save her. That was a debt that she would never be able to pay back. She would owe him for the rest of her life. But Loki was also right. The debt was not the only reason she wanted –needed- him back.

Since the moment he brought her to SHIELD against the initial wishes of both Fury and Coulson, it was Clint and Natasha, the Hawk and the Spider. The two loners finally found someone to connect with. They finally found someone that could tolerate the millions of personality hang-ups and quirks that pushed so many others away. They were more than partners… they were family. Clint was as much a part of her world as the death and destruction she doled out easily. He was her best friend, sparring partner, venting source, sounding board, protector, burden, weakness, strength…. He was her everything. But now he was broken and she wasn't sure how to put the pieces together anymore. Fixing broken people was his thing. He knew the right words to say, the right things to do but she was only skilled at bringing death. She didn't know how to bring him back to life.

"He really likes these crazy ass things, huh?" Clint said, breaking her out of her thoughts. She knew he was aware of her following him. The man wasn't known as Hawkeye for nothing. She studied her partner and frowned at the drastic changes she saw. Gone was the brash, sometimes too cocky, grinning, insanely wonderful man that she held above all others. In his place was this empty, thin shell that she worried would break at any given moment. He was sitting in the windowsill that they affectionately called his nest. It was comprised mostly of blankets that she knew Tony left out there on his late night forays from the lab to his bedroom. There were pillows courtesy of both her and Bruce. There was even the Playful Penguin pillow pet that Bruce and Tony were scrambling to buy after they almost made Thor cry. Clint was holding the pillow pet in his hand with a confused look on his face.

"They make him happy," Natasha replied, shrugging lightly. She climbed up onto the sill, sitting beside him so that their legs were touching and her arm brushed against the bare skin his t-shirt left out. She knew that he liked to be up high because it allowed him to see everything but it also allowed him to keep the world at a distance. She was occasionally allowed to breach that void and at the moment she was glad she did. His current nest had a great view. The sun was just beginning to set and the city was starting to come alive. It was almost like a postcard.

"I'm sorry I missed this afternoon."

"It was a mistake," she assured him, leaning into his shoulder. "I know you'll never let it happen again."

"I let the team down."

"No, you didn't. The team is fine. We're all here and safe because you were able to make the shot. You stopped the latest scheme of the week. It's a good thing, Clint."

"Doesn't feel like a good thing," he whispered, looking down at his still trembling hands. She covered them with her own, willing them to stop shaking. Willing him to be able to pick up the pieces of his broken, damaged soul. "I called Phil yesterday."

Natasha tilted her head to the side, curiously. She knew for a fact that Clint hadn't spoken to Phil since Fury admitted to letting them all believe Coulson was dead in order to give them something to fight for. That was her glaring sign that something wasn't right, considering that Phil was the man that was responsible for pulling the barely adult Clint out of prison and offering him a chance to be something more. Phil Coulson did for Clint what he would later do for Natasha. He gave him a chance to use his skills for a greater good. Clint was as attached to Phil for that same reason and yet he didn't visit him during his long recovery. Natasha knew Phil didn't blame him for it. But that's because Phil knew how Clint's brain worked better than anyone (Clint included).

"What did you talk about?"

"Quitting," Clint answered, staring now at their joined hands. "I told him that I was thinking about leaving."

Natasha's breath caught in her throat. "The Avengers?" she asked, hope lingering in her tone. She liked the others. She really did. She finally found someone other than Clint that she connected with. She finally found someone other than Clint that she might actually say she cared about. It would hurt like hell to walk away from them but if Clint couldn't be there, neither could she.

"Yes... And SHIELD."

"You're leaving everything?" she whispered, gripping his hand.

He finally looked up and she was floored by the pain lingering in the pale blue eyes. She knew he was hurting since Loki but he was apparently getting better at putting up fronts. Even she didn't see just how much he was affected. She fell for his act. That just didn't seem right.

"I'm a liability, Nat."

"No," she hissed, taking her hands back and shifting so she was facing him. "You are not going to take what Steve said to heart. You know that he sometimes doesn't think before he speaks. I told you what he said to Tony. He called him worthless and we both know that's not true. Tony Stark is far from worthless and you are not a liability."

"But it's true for me," he insisted. His tone was desperate. It was almost as if he was trying to convince both of them. "I missed today! What if I miss again but then it's someone taking out Steve or Tony? What am I supposed to if me missing means that someone kills you? I can't live with that, Tasha. I can't."

"Fine, then I'm coming with you," she said, defiantly.

They were the Hawk and the Spider. They were not meant to be separated forever. Solo missions every once and a while were acceptable. Or rather they were acceptable, because the last time they were assigned separate missions, Clint got mind raped by an insanely bratty god with daddy/brother issues and starting spouting off about leaving her for good. He was lucky she let him go to the bathroom alone. Although she did have JARVIS monitoring his bathroom trips. It helped knowing she wasn't the only one. Tony also set it up so that the AI would alert him if Clint ever left the building without another Avenger. It was both disturbing and comforting that there was someone else out there that cared about him as much as she did.

"Tasha," Clint raked a hand through his blond spiky hair, a growl of frustration escaping his lips. "You can't come with me. You're better with the rest of the Avengers. I've seen you. You like them. You don't like anyone. But you like them."

"You do too," she countered. "I heard you this afternoon when Stark first when to get you. You almost sounded like yourself. You like Thor and Banner. You like the Hulk. Not many people like the Hulk. The Hulk doesn't like many people but he likes you. He cares about you just as much as you care about him."

Clint closed his eyes. "I do. I really do. I care about all of them. Even Steve. But that's why I have to go. I don't feel right, Nat. It's like everything that I used to be is gone. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't even know what I am anymore. But I do know that I don't trust myself. SHIELD doesn't trust me either."

"Screw SHIELD," Natasha snapped. "I trust you. Phil trusts you. Fury trusts you. The Avengers trust you. What the rest of the agency thinks is irrelevant. It never mattered to you before."

"Right, before I killed our coworkers. Before I let Loki go. Before I almost got Phil killed. You're right. It didn't matter before but it matters now. I can't be there anymore. They all look at me like they're just waiting for me to pull out an arrow and shoot someone in the face."

"Does Bruce look at you like that?"

"What?" the question was clearly not what he was expecting. "Uh, no?"

"Tony?"

"No."

"Thor? Steve?"

"No, where are you going with this, Natasha?"

"None of us look at you like that because we trust you," she lifted a hand to rest against his cheek. The soft touch prompted him to open his eyes. "I trust you, Clint. If you feel like this is not where you should be then we'll go where you need to be. But we go together."

Clint shook his head, not bothering to hide the wetness forming in his eyes. "I can't, Nat. I wish I could but I can't. I can't let you go with me. I can't let you be around me. It's not safe."

Natasha shook her head. "I'm not weak, Barton. I don't need you protecting me. I've been looking after myself for almost sixty years. I don't need you to take up that role. You're barely a child compared to me."

"Yes, you do, Tasha. You need this child to protect you from me. I know what Loki told you. I know what he wanted me to do. And if things had gone differently I would've done it. I would've killed you because he wanted me to. What's to stop the next mind controlling psycho from doing the same thing? I can't hurt you."

"What do you think leaving me will do? You leaving will hurt me too."

He raised a hand to mirror her position. His hand was warm against her cheek and she leaned into the touch almost desperately. "You have the others. They won't let you be alone. They'll stick to you like even more annoying versions of me. You'll miss me but you'll be okay. Like you said, you've been doing this on your own for almost sixty years. You can survive without me. But me? I can't survive losing you. I can't survive being the reason why you're gone. So I can't take the risk of staying. I can't hurt you, Tasha. I… you mean too much to me to let that happen."

Love was childish. It was petty and stupid. It made you weak. What she felt for Clint was more than love but at the root of it all, it was love. Love made you suffer. She was going to lose him. One way or another, she was going to lose him. If she let him go, she would never find him. He had much more training with disappearing than she did. He would vanish off the face of the earth. But if she kept him, if she made him stay, she would lose him all the same. He would fade away because he just didn't get it. He didn't see how none of this was his fault. She never hated something as much as she hated Loki for creating this unneeded burden of guilt and the other SHIELD agents that helped it to grow.

"What can I do? What I can do to get you to understand?" she whispered, leaning her head against his. "Why don't you see what I see?"

Clint shook his head gently, closing his eyes. "I wish I could."

They sat like that for what seemed like hours before she grew tired of that position. Wordlessly she climbed into his lap. He leaned back against the window, letting her curl into his body with her head resting on his shoulder. It was sharper than she remembered. He lost so much weight in the months since Loki's invasion. She was so blind for so long.

"Will you come back?" she asked, not bothering to lift her head. She could see his throat shift as he swallowed. "Will you come back for me?"

"Tasha….I"

"Please don't lie to me," she murmured against his shoulder.

"I don't know," he whispered, his arms wrapping around her. His face was buried in her hair. "I don't know."

She knew their position was hurting him further but she couldn't move. It seemed he felt the same. If this was the last time they were going to be together then she was going to enjoy the moment for all it was worth. She never imagined her life without Clint. She never thought a life without Clint was even possible. She always thought that if Clint were to be killed, she would die soon after. They were always together. Until a time when they couldn't be. She didn't know when he would leave but she knew it would be without fanfare. That wasn't Clint's style. He would slip out of their lives like a ghost and vanish without a trace.

She burrowed deeper into his chest, breathing in his scent. This wasn't fair. This wasn't right. This was not what she trained for. She was trained to forget emotion. She was trained to ignore things like feelings. But this man, this asshole, made her forget all of that. Clint was her weakness. And she didn't know how she was going to survive his leaving.

Light footsteps alerted her to the presence of another in the hallway. Ordinarily, she would've moved away from Clint long ago. She knew the others suspected something between them but were either too polite or too afraid to comment on it. Either way, she wasn't really in the habit of giving them a reason to question it further. But now she couldn't be bothered either way. She didn't care what they saw or thought. Besides, judging by the sureness of the steps, it was Bruce. He knew what the real story was anyway. There was no point in pretending when it came to him.

Natasha wanted to be surprised by the friendship between Clint and Bruce but she wasn't. Or at least she wasn't after a conversation with Phil. It seemed that their handler was expecting this from the beginning. Coulson knew that there was something about Bruce that would resonate with Clint and Tony. Both were lost, hiding behind snark, talent and a cocky attitude. She knew they would connect but Bruce was the grounding force. The voice of reason in the midst of their chaos. The one pulling them back from the ledge they both dangled over.

As she felt the leftover adrenaline drain from both the earlier battle and her conversation with Clint, Natasha could only hope that Bruce could get through to Clint. Hopefully he could make Clint see what they all saw: a good man. A good man that was a little damaged. But they all were. They were all damaged. They were all trying to hide from something or atone for something. They were six of the most dysfunctional individuals separately but together they made something beautiful. She wanted it to stay that way forever. She wanted Clint to be fixed so things could go back to the way they should've been.

With Clint and Tony driving everyone up the wall with their ridiculous pranks and sarcastic comments while also narrowly avoiding the science bros blowing things up. Steve would complain but secretly enjoy the madness. Thor would be Thor. Adorable and perfect and the truest definition of a king that Natasha ever saw. That's how it should've been. That's how it should be. But instead Clint was leaving. Thor was coping with his own grief through bizarre children's toys that should not exist. Tony was one good emotional shove away from a nervous breakdown on a good day. She didn't think that Clint leaving would be a good day. Bruce was trying to keep them all together. And Steve was just oblivious. It was all screwed up and she did not want this. She closed her eyes, burrowing further into Clint's willing embrace and closing her eyes.

When she woke up, she was going to force Thor to get her to Asgard. She didn't give a damn how damaged Loki was. She was going to make him bleed for what she did to them. After that she was going to grab a tub of ice cream and just be a brokenhearted girl, if only for a day. Then she would put her big girl pants back on, suck it up and hope that her world could keep spinning without her other half. She would try and move on….. On second thought, she was going to straight up murder the hell out of Loki and she was bringing the rest of the Avengers with her. Then she was going to hunt Clint down no matter where he was and drag his ass back. Yeah, that seemed so much better.


	5. Somewhere I Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bruce and Clint have a heart to heart.

__

And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face  
(I was confused)  
Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind  
(So what am I)  
What do I have but negativity  
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me  
(Nothing to lose)  
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone  
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real  
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long  
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real  
I wanna find something I've wanted all along  
Somewhere I belong

-Somewhere I Belong, Linkin Park

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
The first time Bruce Banner was alone with Clint Barton, the encounter wasn't exactly expected. That was mostly because he accidentally came across the archer shakily trying to tend to his own wounds in the bathroom the evening after Loki's invasion. The younger man's body was trembling due to the massive bruise that was his back. The idiot decided that he didn't need to talk to the SHIELD medics or tell anyone about how he crashed through a glass window landing on his bow and quiver. When Bruce confronted the agent about it, Clint admitted that he had a bad relationship with doctors and hospitals in general. He went into a little detail about his former mentor, who went very dark side and ended up beating him almost to death. He hinted at more trauma from his childhood but Bruce didn't push him that first night. Honestly, it was mostly because he was having a hard enough time repressing the Hulk with the little bit of information that he did get and also because he suspected that had the agent not been in terrible pain, he wouldn't have gotten the information that he did. Bruce was quietly grateful that Clint trusted him enough to tell him what he did. And so they came to an understanding in that moment. Clint wouldn't lie about his medical needs and Bruce would try and repair any and all damage without involving doctors.

Things settled into a routine after that. If Clint was hurt, he would tell Bruce and Bruce would fix it. It was almost normal. If anything about a guy that turned into an enormous green rage monster could be considered normal. Though Bruce was starting to find some peace with his alter ego, he still struggled to believe that there was anything good about the Hulk. Until after their second mission together. It took only a few weeks before the scattered Avengers returned to the restored and newly named Avengers Tower. It was a few hours after that they were going out on a mission against a group of AIM scientists hell-bent on global chaos and mayhem. Bruce willingly gave free reign to the Hulk, content to let him to smash to his heart's content.

He knew that the Hulk considered the other Avengers as allies and could be trusted not to hurt them (though it took a lot of trust and prodding from Tony for him to believe that). He knew that the Hulk could be trusted to save the others if need be but he didn't expect the Hulk to protect them. Or maybe it was just a Clint thing. Bruce admitted to feeling a little protective over the younger man since that first night. He didn't think it would extend to the Hulk but apparently Tony was right. Maybe he and the Hulk were closer together than he thought. This he realized after he and Clint were found miles away from where the battle took place. The others were so surprised (i.e. relieved) that the Hulk protected Clint from what would've likely been a fatal fall, that they didn't make any comment about the fact that Bruce was half naked and the unconscious Clint was definitely the little spoon.

Bruce approached the two assassins quietly but he knew they both knew he was there. If he didn't fear for his life, Bruce might've entertained the thought of taking a picture of the sight of Natasha curled up on Clint's lap, seemingly asleep (again, he knew better than to believe she was truly asleep). It would've been sweet if it hadn't been for the misery radiating off of them both at the moment. Keeping this in mind, Bruce sat down on the floor beside them waiting for Clint to acknowledge him. Natasha continued to feign that weird half sleep that she did best while Clint sat wide awake, keeping watch.

"So you come to tell me how awesome I am too?"

Bruce grinned, not turning his head to look at the agent. "Nope."

"Oh."

"You know how awesome I think you are, Cupid."

Clint laughed softly but sobered just as quickly. "Bruce... I'm... I'm leaving."

"I know," Bruce sighed. "I've known for awhile. I think I knew before you even did that it was going to come to this. Where do you think you're going to go?"

"I… don't know. I guess… around. Maybe try to find my brother."

Bruce bit on his lip to keep himself from responding to that one. The kid was leaving them to go in search of someone that basically mistreated and then abandoned him on multiple occasions. First, he left him to die in a ditch and then barely a few years later he left him to rot in a jail cell. And yet Clint was going to try and find him. He was leaving a team of people who cared about him to find that man. If that didn't speak volumes of his mental health right now, Bruce didn't know what it would take. He sighed. This was definitely worse than he originally thought.

"I guess that could be interesting," he replied, after careful consideration.

"You're not going to try to talk me out of it?"

Bruce tilted his head, eyes flickering to Natasha. "Would it work? I know you talked to Phil. And I know that Natasha tried. And if they couldn't get you to stay what could I possibly say that would work?"

Clint didn't reply and Bruce didn't push him. Instead they sat in a companionable silence. Finally, Clint exhaled slowly. "Would you look after her for me?"

"No."

He could tell the agent was surprised. "Why not?"

"Well, one because that woman is scarier than the rest of us combined. Anyone dumb enough to pick a fight with her deserves whatever they get. Two, she's not going to allow just anyone watch her back. She lets you because she trusts you to watch over her. We all do."

"Well, I think you made a bad judgment call there, doc, because I'm not very good at it."

"Neither is Thor but we're still keeping him around. Remember last week when he let the giant slug thing land on Tony because he was distracted by a puppy?"

Clint gave a tiny huff of a laugh. "Yeah, he found it in a box in some alleyway. He actually wanted to keep it. He said it was a noble pet fit for a warrior. Tony told him it looked like a mangy rat before handing it off to some kid." He laughed again before a thoughtful look crossed his face. "You think that's why he's so hooked on those stupid pillow pets? Because Tony wouldn't let him keep the puppy?"

"Maybe… or maybe it's just because this is Thor we're talking about. If it's not pop tarts, it's pillow pets or some other obscure Earth thing. I think he just looks for comfort wherever he can find it. In whatever he can find it in."

He could almost feel the shift in Clint's attention. It made him smile a little because he knew that no matter what was going on with the archer, he wasn't too far gone. He still cared about the team. All of the team. "The big guy is ok, right? Like he's settling in and everything?"

"He was," Bruce shrugged. "He's had it pretty rough. He was exiled not too long ago. Forced to take some serious humility lessons. His beloved little brother turned out to be completely nuts and then tried to take over the world. He was starting to move past it all but now he's at risk of losing yet another brother."

"Thor has another brother?" Bruce looked up again, staring pointedly at Clint. The other man flushed. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

He shifted in his seat. "He doesn't think of me like a brother…. does he?"

"They say people thrown together in extreme circumstances tend to form faster bonds. I hope it doesn't get more extreme than what we went through. As much as we all tried to fight it, we're stuck together. We couldn't even stay apart for more than a few weeks. I think Tony is right. We're a friggin family."

"I thought you weren't trying to persuade me to stay."

"I'm not. I'm telling you facts. What you get from this is on you."

"You don't understand. I killed people, Bruce! I killed so many people for no reason. Not only that I helped killed innocent people in horrible ways. I…." Clint's voice broke towards the end. He paused trying to regain some composure. "I remember every moment, every second. I remember wanting more. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore but the thoughts are still there. They're in my head. And sometimes that's what I want to do. I want to destroy, to mangle and cripple and destroy. But that's not who I am. Or at least I don't think it is. I really... don't know who I am anymore."

Bruce patted his friend on the leg that dangled beside to him. "Yes, you do. You know. Just like I know who you are. You're Clint 'Hawkeye' Barton. You grew up in the circus and you're a SHIELD agent. Most importantly, you're an Avenger. You're a member of this twisted little family unit that Tony has built. You're the only one that can talk Natasha down when she's ready to kill Tony for being Tony. You're the only one that listens to Thor's epic battle tales without yawning or rolling his eyes. You're Cupid. That's who you are."

"You're not listening! I killed people!" Clint insisted, stressing the syllables in each word. His voice cracked under the strain of frustration and desperation. "People that were my friends. Oh god, I almost killed Natasha. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to kill you all. Why would you want me around?"

"You read my file," Bruce replied, taking a deep soothing breath. Every part of him wanted to let the Hulk out, find a way to Asgard and make Loki pay. But instead, he focused on the important task of helping Clint put himself back together again. "I know you read it. You know what I've done. You've seen what I'm capable of. Up until recently the other guy couldn't be trusted to do anything but destroy. Yet you trusted me from the first moment we met. You still trust me. Both of us. Don't you?"

Bruce glanced up see Clint's stormy gaze focused on the wall opposite from them. He saw Natasha's eyes were open and focused on her partner as well. But Clint didn't pay this any mind. "You know I trust you," he replied, quietly.

"Do you trust Tony? He used to create weapons that were used in wars. Do you know how much blood is on that man's hands? And Thor, I seriously doubt he was in the habit of hugging his enemies into defeat on the battlefield. Although, in retrospect that doesn't sound as improbable as it should because it's Thor and hugging would not be out of the realm of battle techniques for him." And great, Bruce has officially adopted Tony speech patterns.

"But…. Tony didn't have a choice in any of that. He never would've sold those weapons on his own. And Thor is from a war world. It's like what they do."

"And you're an agent, fighting is what you do. As for what happened, you didn't have a choice in that," Bruce assured him. "You didn't willingly choose to help Loki. The simple fact that you're feeling guilty shows just why we trust you. Now ask me again why we want you around."

Clint let out a shaky breath. Bruce saw Natasha's arms slip around his neck, pulling him closer to her. He sat back allowing the two agents to have their moment in peace. He could make out snatches of their muffled exchange. He didn't know a lot of Hungarian but he knew enough to know that Clint was repeatedly apologizing and Natasha was shushing him gently, whispering that he had nothing to apologize for. Bruce's phone buzzed in his pocket.

Ready? Or need more time?

Bruce glanced up to see Tony hovering further down the hallway. Give us five. Tony nodded, slipping away to where he no doubt stashed Thor and Steve.

Satisfied that Clint would be allowed to get the more embarrassing (at least for him) portion of his grieving process out of the way without a large audience, Bruce closed his eyes and waited. Almost exactly five minutes later (Tony was anxious again), Thor's voice echoed down the hall, announcing him long before they saw him, giving Clint time to hide the evidence of tears.

"Friends! We have returned triumphant!" Thor announced, spreading his arms wide. They could see that his hands were occupied with two bags practically bursting at the seams with delicious smelling greasy goodness in each fist. "After a tedious journey and parlay with the burger wench, we have procured the battered and fried rings of onion!"

Clint looked mildly surprised before a laugh escaped his lips. "Onion rings?"

"And burgers," Tony shrugged, dropping a bundle of bed linens, pillows and blankets on the floor next to Bruce. Steve followed in their wake, holding several beverage cups in bags.

"What's with the blankets? Sale at Bed, Bath & Beyond?"

"Since you will not come to us, we came to you," Tony replied, climbing up onto the windowsill with him without hesitation. He sat on Clint's free side close enough that their shoulders were touching. The fact that Clint (and Natasha) allowed him to spoke volumes for the trust he had in the team. "You do remember you have a concussion, right? So that means no sleeping and concussion checks! Also known as the Great Avenger Sleepover! Although I think we may not have thought this through well. I know nothing puts me to sleep faster than the Capt's amazing tales of hoofers and hooch from the 40s!"

"I got you a milkshake," Steve said, pointedly ignoring Tony and so very obviously still feeling guilty about his earlier words to Clint. "They have so many flavors now. I got you a chocolate one but you can have my strawberry banana one if you would like."

Clint blinked, uncertainty flickering on his face. He hesitantly took the chocolate milkshake though his eyes were still wary. "Why are you guys doing this?"

"We're a team. It's nothing you wouldn't do for us," Tony shrugged. He growled at Natasha's hand which was currently creeping over Clint, who was snugly between them, to reach for an onion ring. "Hands off, Spider Chick. The Hawk gets first dibs."

Natasha narrowed her eyes before throwing Clint a look. He smiled almost shyly before taking the offered carton from Tony. The smile grew a little brighter as he bit into one of the onion rings. Tony and Natasha continued their fight over his head. The fight only ended when Steve joined them in the not really meant to fit three grown adults and a super soldier windowsill on Tony's free side. But they strangely made it work. Once he was settled, Steve promptly launched into a lecture on teamwork and family dynamics while both being ignored and managing to steal the fought over box of onion rings. Clint snickered and nudged Bruce with his foot.

"Thanks."

"It's what I'm here for," Bruce smirked, patting him on the leg once again and stealing Thor's milkshake. The god didn't notice as he was fascinated by the texture and shape of the onion rings.

In the beginning, Bruce thought about running. He worried that the Other Guy would get bored with playing nice with the others. He thought about getting away before he caused any real, lasting damage. But as he looked around the now crowded hallway nook at the people he willingly called his friends, he knew he wouldn't be leaving. There was no way he could give this up… give them up. For the first time since the gamma incident, Bruce Banner had a home. And he knew that it was only a matter of time before Clint realized that too.

"So who wants to watch The Hunger Games? Might even help Clint learn a few tricks."

"Shove it, Iron Ass!"

Yeah, everything was going to be just fine.  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Morning dawned bringing along an almost unbearable amount of sunshine. Bruce grumbled turning away from the bright beams of light that seemed to be determined to assault his eyes. His flight away from the tortuous sun was halted when he came face to face with a head of long, blond hair. What the hell did I do last night, was his first thought. But when the head resting on his shoulder let out a mighty snore, it all came crashing back to him. The great sleepover in the hallway. That explained why his back hurt but not how or why Thor ended up sleeping on him. Or why the pillows and blankets bought for this sleepover were still in a pile on the floor. But it was all worth it. Last night was the first time Bruce really heard Clint laugh and sound anything resembling happy. So it was worth the kinks in his back and neck and the drool on his shoulder.

"Ugh, JARVIS, kill the sun, will you?" Tony's sleep filled voice whined above him. Bruce managed to untangle Thor enough to look up on the windowsill. Natasha looked like she was the only comfortable one. She was still asleep (a testament to how comfortable she really was with the rest of the team). She was hugging a pillow tightly and covered with a blanket. Tony and Steve were tangled together in some awkward position that Bruce was at a loss to figure out how they got there in the first place. And Clint was… wait, where the hell was Clint?!

"Damn it, Clint ran."

Natasha jerked upright at the sound of Bruce's voice. The sudden movement jostled Steve and Tony into awareness, which then led to the requisite flailing and male posturing. Natasha silenced them all by pointing to the empty space where Clint was supposed to be. After a few more moments of panic, the end result was Tony stalking out the room to grab his armor and Natasha volunteering to fly halfway around the world (if needed) strapped to the back of the Iron Man suit to look for Clint. Steve just looked lost. But it was Thor's quiet inquiry that caught Bruce's attention.

"Where is the Playful Penguin?"

"Is that really the important thing right now, Thor? I'm sure Tony can get you another one," Steve replied absently, clearly contemplating their next move.

"Wait, wasn't that the one Clint was holding last night?" Natasha asked, brow furrowing. She placed a hand on her hip, clearly in thought. "On that note, Tony why didn't your alarms go off?"

Tony blinked, halfway through the process of putting on the suit. "JARVIS, where is Agent Barton?"

"He's in his room, sir. He's been there since you all fell asleep on the windowsill leaving him with no room."

The trio from the window managed to look sheepish before they were all scrambling towards Clint's room. Bruce didn't realize just how attached he was to Clint until he finally laid eyes on the younger man. An immense weight was lifted as he saw that Clint was there and safe. He was even drooling a little.

"I feel this curious sensation in my chest," Thor commented, cocking his head to the side. "It almost feels like when I first laid eyes on the pillowed pets."

"I think the word you're looking for is adorable," Tony supplied. "This is adorable."

Bruce was hard-pressed to find a word that fit the bill more than that one. The sight of Clint sprawled face down across his bed, cuddling the Playful Penguin to his chest, was nothing less than the most adorable sight he'd seen in a long time. He wasn't so captivated that he missed the empty bag on the bed beside him. His few belongings were set out on display in the still painfully bare room. Bruce could almost hear Tony calculating how much stuff he was going to buy to fill up Clint's room. He almost felt bad for the archer but his happiness at knowing that they finally got through to the stubborn young man far outweighed that concern.

"Sir, you have a call from Agent Coulson."

"Patch it through, JARVIS," Tony replied, still staring at Clint.

A moment later, Coulson's face was on the screen. Bruce heard Thor let out a noise of surprise and prepared himself to explain once again that Coulson was not trapped in the screen. It was then that he got a good look at their reluctant handler (read babysitter). It was seven o'clock in the morning on a Sunday and the man was still impeccably dressed in a suit complete with jacket and a tie. Bruce was starting to think he slept in those things or maybe they were just a piece of him. He didn't know whether to laugh to be really afraid. He settled for the latter as Coulson shifted his knowing gaze towards him.

"Morning, Phil," Natasha greeted, sitting at the foot of the bed next to Clint's legs. Her hand rested on his calf. Almost as if he sensed her presence, Clint let out a muffled sigh and sank deeper into his much needed sleep. "To what do we owe the honor this morning?"

"With the amount of paperwork you all generate every time you step outside the Tower, I don't really have time to dedicate to completing the very complicated forms required for discharging a SHIELD agent. So I assume you settled the issue with Barton."

"Was there ever any doubt, Phil?" Tony shot back with a grin. Phil mostly stared back at them but Bruce was learning to read behind the masks. Underneath it all, Phil was just as worried about their archer as them. Bruce glanced down at the peacefully sleeping man and smiled.

Bruce wasn't stupid. He knew that this was just a step in the right direction for Clint. The man was too used to things going horribly wrong and ending in betrayal. He freely gave to those he considered his allies but he never expected anything in return because he didn't trust that it wouldn't come with strings attached. But just as Natasha cracked through that wall along with Coulson, and to a certain extent Fury, Bruce was confident that they could do the same. They would help him to learn a new way of thinking.

And may the gods have mercy on the person that tried to hurt him now. The Hulk would be the least of their concerns. Bruce wasn't a mad scientist for nothing and he was living with most likely the smartest man on Earth, a god, a master assassin and a super solider. The Avengers look after their own and Clint "Hawkeye" Barton was most definitely theirs – now and forever.

Fin

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Dynamics](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6739975) by [MsPerception427](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsPerception427/pseuds/MsPerception427)




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